Hello all. In the recent week, after a near two year hiatus, I have been
inspired to share my thoughts on the beautiful game once again. I didn’t even
know where to begin so I figured Olivier Giroud would be a good start.
During the Germany game, I pointed out that – to me- Giroud hadn’t completed a pass with his feet by around the 40th min mark (NB: a successful kick off doesn’t count). He had also miscontrolled over half of the passes that came his way. Fancy that: a man who's paid millions of pounds a year to play football has such poor control. A Gallic Andy Carroll with a better haircut and better tattoos methinks.
The Gunner
fan was adamant I was hating… until he got a one on one chance with Neuer and managed
to let Benedict Howedes, who was previously only known to be fleeter of foot
than Per Mertasacker, chase him down. He didn’t even test the keeper. Said
Arsenal fan then threw his hands in the air and Googled those Lacazzette and
Higuan transfer rumors.
*** I wasn’t allowed to name Antoinne Griezmann due
to his not being a “true striker”***
·
The asterix denotes a case that I find arguable. In Rashford’s
case, I believe it’s just a matter of time though.
·
Take note of the bottom six
teams. Does anything leap out at you? What if Sunderland had started the season with
Defoe instead of acquiring him in January?
Leicester – Jamie Vardy.
Arsenal – case in point
Tottenham – Harry Kane
Man City – Sergio Aguero, Wilfried Bony
Man United – Rooney, Martial, Marcus
Rashford*
Southampton – Graziano Pelle*
West Ham – Diafra Sakho *
Liverpool – Daniel Sturridge
Stoke City – Peter Crouch*
Chelsea – Diego Costa
Everton – Romelu Lukaku
Swansea – Bafotembi Gomis*
Watford – Odion Ighalo
West Brom – Saido Berahino
Crystal Palace – N/A
Bournemouth – N/A
Sunderland – Jermaine Defoe
Newcastle – N/A
Norwich City – N/A
Aston Villa - N/A
By the way, attempt to Google Olivier Giroud and the first three suggestions will be: "Olivier Giroud haircut", "Olivier Giroud hair", "Olivier beard" and finally "Olivier Giroud stats". In that exact order.
Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer
The opinions expressed above are purely satirical and as thus aren't meant to denigrate, discourage, annoy (**insert other pejoratives**) anyone's favorite teams, players or feelings.