Friday, 18 May 2012

END OF SEASON AWARDS: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and the Wacky.

Hello all. As we come to the end of one of the more entertaining European club soccer seasons of recent times, allow me to present the first annual end-of –season awards. Since there’s a lot to cover, I figured one entry wouldn’t be enough so I decided to do it in parts. I think it’s fair to start at the bottom, with the wacky so without further ado, here we go;


1. Niggas will be niggas: Nigga moment of the year.

I think, as a black man, I am allowed to call niggas out on some ignorant nigga s**t. The niggas in contention for this award are Mario Balotelli and Djibril Cisse. Their cringe-worthy hairstyles alone are perpetual nigga moments. As if the hair wasn’t enough, these two proceeded to provide some truly maddening moments over the course of the season.

The walking time bomb that is Super Mario laid down the marker in pre-season with the back heel in the US. Mancini, the ever patient sucker, stuck with him and he boy did he pay. The stories of IPads on the bench, fireworks, stamping on Parker ,the women’s prison etc were all well documented but for me, the real entertainment happened at the Emirates towards the season’s end. He attempted to break Song’s leg, made a handful of yellow card worthy challenges, got sent off; and wait for it, he was the only person in the world who was surprised!! There are few things more entertaining than the unpredictability of stupidity; and the inevitability of the consequences.

Djibril Cisse, on the other hand, was as infuriating as he was prolific in his 6 months (sorry more like 3 months, due to all the suspensions) at QPR. Just like Mario, he genuinely looked surprised every time he got sent off! My problem with him is the hairstyle though. Someone please tell Djibril he’s in his 30s now and we can no longer blame his hairstyle on youthful exuberance. I can’t be the only one who thinks dying his facial hair makes it resemble nether-region hair.

Winner: Joey Barton. When I think of a nigga, in the true sense, I picture a person who goes around bragging about how much money they make, picking stupid fights, growing hideous facial hair.. Barton did all this last season. He spent the better part of a match reminding Karl Henry that he was on 80k a week. He has constantly looked for a fight, going as far as picking them on social media. And he grew that hideous ‘stache at some point. He saved his best, though, for the last day, at the Ettihad. The less said about that incident, the better

2. Disciplinarian of the year.

Fiorentina coach Delio Rossi did something the likes of Roberto Mancini and anyone else who has ever managed the likes of Balotelli, dream about every night. In the 38th minute of a Serie A game against Novara, the gaffer decided to hook midfielder Adam Ljajic due to poor performance and non-compliance with tactics. The midfielder took his place on the bench, with that petulant look that only people paid exorbitant sums to kick leather around, can muster.

 I reckon the look irked the coach because a few moments later, the coach walked over and slapped him!! Now, if only Mancini was allowed to do that. In what I think was a gross miscarriage of justice, the coach was fired and given a 3 month suspension by the League office. You have to see it for yourself.

3. B***h move of the year

This really tickled me: The Yellow submarine Villarreal CF, were faced with relegation on the last day of the La Liga season. They were playing against Europa League champions Athletico Madrid. Fellow strugglers Rayo Vallecano were up against newly rich Granada. Villarreal needed to better Vallecano result to survive. Athletico were vying with Malaga for a Champions League place but a Malaga win, over Sporting Gijon would render any Atleti result moot.

The scene was set. With the Villarreal-Athletico game tied at 0-0, news filtered through that Malaga had taken a 1-0 lead over Sporting. Villarreal players duly informed the Atleti players of this and tried to convince them to ease off now that Champions League qualification was out reach. When this didn’t work, some Yellow Submarine players decided to lie to their opponents that Malaga had taken a two goal lead, in a bid to convince them to let off.( For the record, Malaga won their game 1-0)

Unfortunately, the cattiness didn’t stop there: In the dying embers of the game, the assassin Radamel Falcao drove a blade through the hearts of Villarreal fans and most neutrals, by putting Madrid’s no.2 club 1-0 up. Villarreal players then resorted to threatening revenge. Most of these exchanges were caught on camera. In the end, it didn’t matter because Vallecano won their match, ensuring that the club that has delighted us all these years with the likes of Marcos Senna, Diego Forlan, Roman Riquelme and Santi Carzola, was sent packing to the second tier of Spanish football.  

On a serious note though, it’s really sad that a club that played in the Champions League semis as recently as 2006 could be relegated just 6 years later. It shows just how fragile the finances of smaller clubs make them.

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